1

Mummy, mummy, I don't want to go to America.
Be quiet and keep swimming.

SUE Why does your dog turn around before it sits down?
LEE Because it's a watch dog, and it has to wind itself up.

Doctor, Doctor, I've got carrots growing out of my ears. How did that happen?
I don't know. I planted onions.

How do you start a teddy bear race?
"Ready, teddy, go!"

How do you tell the difference between a mouse and an elephant?
Try picking them up.

Why do white sheep eat more than black sheep?
Because there are more of them.

How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill.

2

PUPIL Please teacher, would you tell me off for something I haven't done?
TEACHER Of course not.
PUPIL Good, because I haven't done my homework.

It's raining cats and dogs.
I know. I just stepped in a poodle.

What has 3 tails, 7 feet and 4 trunks?
An elephant with spare parts.

What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.

What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.

How do farmers count cows?
On a cow-culator.

What's grey and highly dangerous?
An elephant with a machine gun.

3

SIMON I've lost my dog. FRIEND Why don't you put an add in the paper.
SIMON Because my dog can't read.

What did the traffic light say to the traffic?
Don't look, I'm changing.

Waiter, waiter, this soup is funny.
Then why aren't you laughing?

What's big and red and grey?
A sunburnt elephant.

Why can't cars play football?
Because they only have one boot.

If I put 3 ducks in a box, what would I have?
A box of quackers.

What's yellow and goes click?
A ballpoint banana.

4

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a goat.
How long have you felt like this?
Since I was a kid.

MARY Will you remember me in 5 years?
JOHN Yes
MARY Will you remember me in 10 years
JOHN Yes
MARY Will you remember me in 20 years?
JOHN Yes
MARY Knock, knock.
JOHN Who's there?
MARY See, you forgot me already.

What's the difference between a hill and a pill?
A hill is hard to get up, and a pill is hard to get down.

Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
To the mooo - ies.

What's grey with red spots?
An elephant with measles.

What's grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine.

What goes moo, baa, oink, quack, woof?
A cow that speaks 5 languages.

Instructions:
I am going to give each of you some jokes. Read them privately to yourself and choose three that you will read to the group. If you have trouble with reading any of the words, just ask me and I will help you. After you've had time to read them, I want each of you to take turns at telling one of the jokes at a time.
I'll give you your jokes now, and you read them privately to yourself - don't read them out loud until I tell you.

Randomly allocate to each student a sheet of jokes. Allow a short time for reading, and give any assistance requested.
Now let's take turns at telling the jokes. Each time, tell only one of the three jokes you have chosen. Remember, jokes are supposed to be fun - and funny. The way people tell jokes is important. You should try to tell them so that the others will think they are funny.

Each student in turn tells one joke - rotating around the team.
People sometimes know jokes or riddles, and sometimes people make them up. I wonder if any of you can tell us a joke or riddle. Just think about it for a moment, then you can have turns at telling a joke or a riddle.

Allow brief thinking time, then ask each student if they have a joke or riddle they could tell.
Allow each student to tell up to 3 jokes or riddles.

Jokes and Riddles Sheet 1
Read the jokes and riddles to yourself before you tell them to others. Try to tell them in a way that makes it fun.

Repeat with sheets 2, 3 and 4.

Characterisation & dramatisation

strong
moderate
weak

Speech clarity

strong
moderate
weak

Accuracy of reading

string
moderate
weak