: Jenny's Letter
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Approach: One to one Level: Year 4 and year 8 
Focus: Improving a formal letter
Resources:Playground Trust letter, Jenny’s letter, cheque

Questions/instructions:

Jenny letter
Hand student Playground Trust letter and cheque.

The Playground Trust sent the school this letter along with the cheque for $5,000. The money will go to making the school playground a fun place for children.

Jenny was asked to write a thank you letter to the Playground Trust. Here is the letter Jenny wrote.

Give Jenny’s letter to the student.

Jenny needs to improve this letter.

Think about how Jenny would improve how the letter is set out and how well she has thanked the Playground Trust.
cheque

% responses
y4
y8

1. Tell me how Jenny could improve the setting out of the letter.

    
 
include address of person being sent letter
2
14
include her own address
2
8
include appropriate salutation (eg. Dear Mr Fit)
20
55
put date on the letter
7
34
include appropriate ending salutation
(such as thank you or yours sincerely)
8
28
include Jenny’s name and/or signature
19
44
handwriting, legibility, or spacing between words
66
52
2. What suggestions could you make about what she says in the letter?    
 
include the amount of the donation ($5000)
5
5
confirm that the donation will be used for the playground
9
22
say on whose behalf she is writing
4
8
state that children were/will be involved in the planning
0
2
mention specific ideas for playground
or how the planning will be done
7
21
express excitement/enthusiasm
and/or anticipation with regard to new playground
14
26
3. Is there anything about spelling or punctuation that should be changed?    








make clear that “Thank” begins
with a capital “T”
17
13
make clear that “We” at start of
second line begins with a capital “W”
19
24
do not capitalise “like” in second line
15
37
spell “need” correctly
59
87
full stop after “it” at end of second line
11
22
spell “really” correctly
44
77
spell “appreciate” correctly
47
81
capitalise “we”
8
18
Total score:
9–15
5
29
6–8
19
38
3–5
43
27
0–2
33
6
Subgroup Analysis:
Year 4
Year 8
Commentary:
Most students at both year levels did not demonstrate good knowledge of the requirements of a formal letter. Many year 4 Mäori students scored especially low. At year 8, girls outperformed boys, and Pakeha students outperformed Mäori and Pasifika students.
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