Introduction:

This book is called The Worst Soccer Team Ever. It is a story told by one of the pupils about a soccer team at an intermediate school. Tom Coleman is telling about what happened when 74 boys and one girl, Lavender, go to Mr Crow to sign up for the teams.

Text:

It is one thing to say you are going to play sport. It is quite another thing to take on the establishment and actually get in a team.

It wasn't that our school was not big in sport. It sure was. We had teams for just about everything. They call it "character building". But no one, it seemed, was very much interested in building our particular characters. It's a great truth that schools really only take an interest in those who can play sport well. Those of us not built like born winners only ever got to toddle round a field or a court on sports afternoons when nothing got organised and half the kids snuck off, followed by half the teachers going to look for them. Those who were left scragged each other, which I suppose is a kind of sport.

To those who have got it, it shall be given. So it says in the Bible, and I agree. It all means that the big-time Saturday sport got sewn up by those who've got what it takes. In other words, they got it given them in heaps while the rest of us missed out.

Seventy-five of us kids had turned up for the meeting. Seventy-four boys and Lavender.

"There'll be two school teams this year. Got most of it sorted out from the lists that went round the classes last week. Most of those who played last year are playing again this year. We won't need too many try-outs."

As I said "sewn up".

 

"Why can't we have more teams, Mr Crow?" I asked. "There's hundreds of us here."

"Interest fades, lad, and don't interrupt me. Just enough here for two teams. Those who don't get in a team'll have a go as emergencies. Only two of us coaching this year. Me and Mr White. What's that girl doing here? Netball meeting's in Room 12, dearie." "I'm here for soccer, Mr Crow," said Lavender. "Made a mistake, dearie.

Don't have girls' soccer," he chuckled.
"Netball meeting in Room 12."

"I want to play soccer," said Lavender.

"Girls don't play soccer," said Mr Crow.

"This one does," said Lavender. "Well, to be truthful, Mr Crow, this one is going to."

"Over my dead body," said Mr Crow quite politely.

"If that's the way you want it, Mr Crow," said Lavender. "I'll be ringing the Human Rights Commission tomorrow morning."

"Out! Out! Out! No one speaks to me like that. Not in twelve years."

The fat was in the fire, as they say, so I helped it along. "Maybe you could tell us, Mr Crow, under what rule or law of Association Football girls aren't allowed to play?"

[Excerpt]